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Wednesday January 18 2017

World’s Eight Richest Men Have Same Wealth as Poorest 50%

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Jan. 18, 2017

World’s Eight Richest Men Have Same Wealth as Poorest 50%:  A new report from a British anti-poverty organization says just eight men have as much wealth as the poorest 50% of the people in the world.  So far, all efforts to get those poorest 50% to buy the rich guys out have failed.

 

NASA Says 2016 Was Hottest Year on Record:  Two federal agencies have confirmed that last year was the hottest on record, after months of warning that 2016 would be another chart-buster.  And while this is obviously bad news for the rest of the planet, few can deny this does represent a huge boost for the dedicated individuals involved in the “Plant a Palm in Punxsutawney” movement.

 

Trump Picks Former GA Gov. Sonny Perdue as Agriculture Secretary:  President-elect Donald Trump will nominate former Georgia Gov. Sonny Perdue to serve as agriculture secretary, completing his cabinet appointments as he prepares for his inauguration.  This, of course, shatters the hopes of those of us who felt the position should have rightly gone to agricultural pioneers such as Woody Harrelson or Willy Nelson.

 

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Wisconsin Lawmaker Claims Almond Milk Hurting Dairy Farmers

Jan. 17, 2017

Wisconsin Lawmaker Claims Almond Milk Hurting Dairy Farmers:  Wisconsin Sen. Tammy Baldwin has introduced legislation for a new federal law which would prohibit non-dairy producers from labeling their creamy liquids made from soy, coconut and almonds as “milk.”  Guess that pretty much means they’ll have to rename the poor “milkweed” plant.  The dairy farmers will say you can’t drink it and the pot heads will complain you can’t smoke it.

 

Study Finds Eating Less Boosts Memory:  According to an Italian study, there is growing evidence that eating less can help improve memory.  Unfortunately, the first thing most people seem to remember with their newly improved memory is how damn hungry they are.

 

Hawaii Offers Homeless One-Way Tickets Home:  Hawaii is employing one of the more creative ways to save money on housing, food, and other services earmarked for the homeless, offering homeless people one-way tickets to go back home.  I guess my question would be, how do you send a homeless person back home?

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New Evidence Suggests D.B. Cooper May Have Worked for Boeing

Jan. 16, 2017

New Evidence Suggests D.B. Cooper May Have Worked for Boeing:  A team of scientists selected by federal officials in Seattle have come across new evidence in the mystery of D.B. Cooper, saying particles found on a JCPenny clip-on tie indicates he may have been a Boeing manager.  Good grief, while I don’t condone anyone committing criminal acts, my feeling is that if someone’s become so destitute that they find themselves wearing JCPenny clip-on ties, can we really blame them for falling into a life of crime?

 

White Nationalist Leader’s Wife Exposed as Jewish:  A prominent sector of the white nationalist movement is in chaos after learning that one of their most anti-semitic leaders and creator of their popular website “The Right Stuff” is actually married to a Jewish woman.  Gee, I hate to sound critical, but how big of a loser do you have to be when you can’t even get being a Nazi right?  Damn you ancestry.com!

 

Bill Gates’ Net Worth Set at $90 Billion:  A new report lists Microsoft founder Bill Gates’ net worth at $90 billion.  I think its insane someone can make all that money just for doing Windows.  Hell, I did all my windows the other day and I still don’t have a penny to my name.  Wonder if I should switch to Windex?

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Eating Hot Peppers Linked with Longer Life

Jan. 15, 2017

Eating Hot Peppers Linked with Longer Life:  A new study found that eating hot peppers is associated with a longer lifespan and warding off death.  Yea, you’ll just wish you were dead.

 

Ugandan Politician Buried With $55,000 in Coffin:  A former Ugandan government official named Charles Obong, was reportedly buried with $55,250 in his coffin as a way to “appease God for the deceased’s earthly sins.”  Smart move – God loves a good bribe.  Besides, apparently God is really bad with money.  He always seems to be asking his followers for more of it.

 

Couple Flown to Wrong Continent in Mix-up:   The LA Times is reporting that a couple boarded a flight in Los Angeles intending to travel to Dakar, Senegal, but ended up in Dhaka, Bangladesh, almost 7,000 miles away after a mix-up between the similarly pronounced cities and the three-letter code used by airlines to distinguish airports.  The befuddled couple said about the only thing positive about the ordeal was that at least they didn’t end up in Cleveland.

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Ringling Bros Circus to Close After 146 Years

Jan. 14, 2017

Ringling Bros Circus to Close After 146 Years:  The owner of the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus told The Associated Press that after 146 years, the circus has decided to close forever in May.  What do you expect?  I mean, how’s a simple traveling circus supposed to compete with the incoming Trump Administration?  Besides, apparently all the clowns were given cabinet positions anyway.

 

Los Angeles Diners Victims of Widespread Sushi Scam:  DNA testing is showing that Los Angeles sushi diners are frequently paying for one type of fish, but actually receiving another of lesser quality.  Stuff like this happens all the time folks!  Hell, my cat ran tests on what was supposed to be his favorite Fancy Feast dinner and discovered he was actually eating the disgusting Hill’s Science Diet – Hairball Formula.  He made me throw out the whole Kit & Kaboodle.

 

Connecticut Republican Arrested for Grabbing Woman’s Genitals:  A Republican Connecticut town council member has been arrested for grabbing woman’s genitals, but his lawyer is claiming that the groping was simply “a playful gesture.”  Good grief, doesn’t this moron realize you have to be a “star” before they don’t say anything?  I suggest the defense call in Donald Trump as a “groping expert witness.”

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Nicole Kidman Says Its Time Americans Support Donald Trump

Jan. 13, 2017

Nicole Kidman Says Its Time Americans Support Donald Trump:  Nicole Kidman caused some controversy this week when she said in an interview that Americans need to support Donald Trump now that he’s been elected President.  Good grief, you could make the same argument about diabetes or heart disease.  Now that you’ve got it, you should do every thing you can to support it.

 

Earliest Human Species Possibly Found in Ethiopia:  Researchers say an ancient jawbone fragment found in Ethiopia is the oldest human fossil discovered yet, a bone potentially from a new species that reveals the human family may have arose a half million years earlier than previously thought.  Anthropologists speculate the creature came from an environment so primitive and hostile, it could make places like Cleveland or Akron look like desirable areas to live.

 

Jessica Alba’s “Honest Company” Recalls Baby Powder:  Jessica Alba’s The Honest Company has issued a voluntary recall for all bottles of its organic baby powder sold in the United States over concerns of eye and skin irritations.  Baby powder recalled over eye irritations?  Sounds like those babies are just a bunch of big babies.

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