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Tuesday July 29 2014

Consumer Reports Details Fish Labeling Scam

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Jul. 28, 2014

Fish Labeling ScamConsumer Reports Details Fish Labeling Scam:  A Consumer Reports investigation found that 22% of the seafood tested at supermarkets, restaurants, fish markets, gourmet stores and big-box stores are not actually the type of fish consumers thought they were purchasing.  Perhaps even more troubling, many of these same stores were also selling rubber chickens instead of the real thing, knowing full-well that rubber chickens are intended only for prop-comedians and not human consumption.


Orangutans Get iPadsOrangutans to Get Apple iPads:  As strange as it may sound, orangutans may soon join the ranks of proud iPad owners, as a conservation group is testing its new “Apps for Apes” program, allowing orangutans to communicate with each other via the iPad’s video chat technology.  Yea, well – it all sounds like a great idea until one of them needs tech support.


Red-Tailed HawkRed-Tailed Hawk Traps and Eats Mouse on NYC Curb:  A shocking video of an indignant red-tailed hawk trapping, then swallowing a mouse whole right in front of passersby in noonday Manhattan has gone viral.  The only reason this video is “shocking” is because no one ever gets lunch for under $10 in Manhattan.

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Scores of Keith Urban’s Fans Treated for Alcohol-Related Issues

Jul. 27, 2014

Keith UrbanScores of Keith Urban’s Fans Treated for Alcohol-Related Issues:  Local officials say forty-six fans have been treated for serious alcohol-related medical issues at a recent Keith Urban concert outside Boston.  Paramedics, treating the stricken, say they are horrified to think that Keith Urban actually has 46 fans.  A therapist, working at a local alcohol treatment center, says the first step toward recovery is admitting that you like Keith Urban music.


Brain ScanSex Addiction Looks Same as Drug Addiction in the Brain:  Researchers say that pornography triggers brain activity in sex addicts similar to the effect drugs have on the brains of drug addicts, meaning that sex addiction and drug addiction look pretty similar in the brain.  And while these two addictions may look quite similar in the brain, they obviously look quite different in the pants.


Avalanches on MarsMeteorites Triggering Avalanches on Mars:  A research concluded that as meteorites careen toward the surface of Mars, they often trigger massive avalanches, even before they hit the ground.  Fortunately, no injuries have been reported.

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Aretha Franklin Told She Can’t Eat Takeout Food Inside Restaurant

Jul. 26, 2014

Aretha FranklinAretha Franklin Told She Can’t Eat Takeout Food Inside Restaurant:  Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin reportedly got into a verbal altercation with an employee at a Lewiston, N.Y. Johnny Rockets after she was told that because she had ordered her burger for takeout, she wasn’t permitted to sit inside the restaurant to eat it.  Aretha claims “all she was asking for was a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t” – to which the employee responded – “t-a-k-e-o-u-t…find out what it means to me.”


Baby AlligatorTortoise Suspected of Helping Baby Alligator Flee Zoo:  A baby alligator named Carlos has broken out of a Michigan zoo, and zoo officials believe his escape was engineered by a large tortoise that regularly strolls around the area.  Zoo personnel became suspicious after hearing the tortoise call out “see you later alligator.”


Acupuncture TreatmentZoo Lion Named Lucifer Treated With Acupuncture:  In a rather unconventional move, Nicki Grint, a veterinarian at the Paignton Zoo in Devon, England used acupuncture to treat a 419-pound Asiatic lion named Lucifer.  When asked why she would use acupuncture on an animal as large as Lucifer, she said “the devil made me do it.”

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Walmart’s Great Value Ice Cream Sandwiches Don’t Melt

Jul. 25, 2014

Walmart Ice Crean SandwichsWalmart’s Great Value Ice Cream Sandwiches Don’t Melt:  Ice cream is supposed to melt, but WCPO in Cincinnati is reporting that Walmart’s Great Value Ice Cream Sandwich apparently doesn’t, after a local women’s son left one sitting out on their patio table for 12 hours in 80-degree heat one day and it still hadn’t fully melted.  Wow, that really is a “great value!”  I suppose its somehow comforting to know that should the sun one-day explode into a massive supernova, there’ll at least be something that will still be around for us to munch on.


LA Police OfficerLA Police Officer Shoots Self in Foot:  An LA Police Officer was injured when he shot himself in the foot in a police cruiser while responding to a call in South Los Angeles.  To make matters worse, when he filed the accident report, he ended up stabbing himself in the back.


BatsBats in US Being Wiped Out by Fungal Disease:  Scientists believe they may finally have found a way to help the nation’s bats, which are being wiped out by a novel fungal disease.  Let’s hope it works.  Baseball would not be much of a game without bats.

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Man Sues After Doctors Remove Penis During Circumcision

Jul. 24, 2014

CircumcisionMan Sues After Doctors Remove Penis During Circumcision:  A medical malpractice suit filed in Birmingham, Ala. claims that doctors at an area hospital amputated a man’s penis without his consent while he was unconscious for a circumcision operation.  Geez, it seems like people will sue over just about anything these days.  This is an obvious abuse of our penal system.  My question is, just who decides to get circumcised as an adult?  That really takes balls – which is sadly about all this the poor guy has left.


Dinosaur FeathersScientists Say All Dinosaurs May Have Sported Feathers:  New research findings indicate that its possible all dinosaurs may have sported feathers along with their scales, not just the ones who are direct ancestors of our modern birds.  Sounds a little like a dinosaur production of La Cage Aux Folles.


DonutsPortland Police Searching for Pastry Vandals:  Police in a Portland suburb say that for more than a month, mysterious vandals have been smearing pastries all over parked cars, depositing donuts in lawns and leaving cakes strewn about the streets.  Well, if that doesn’t take the cake.  One thing’s for sure, the cops aren’t going to be happy about this malicious destruction of donuts.

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George Harrison Memorial Tree Killed by Beetles

Jul. 23, 2014

George Harrison Memorial TreeGeorge Harrison Memorial Tree Killed by Beetles:  In a sad bit of irony, its being reported that a tree planted in Los Angeles’ Griffith Park in honor of former Beatle George Harrison, has died due to an “infestation of beetles.”  Are they positive that the tree is dead?  After all, didn’t they said the same thing about Paul back in the day?  Sounds like the tree wasn’t “good Norwegian Wood.”  Plant specialists are trying to determine if the beetle infestation could be part of a British invasion.


Priison UniformMichigan Inmates to Get Black-and-White Striped Uniforms:  Amid all the hype surrounding the Netflix series “Orange is the New Black,” a county Sheriff in Michigan has decided to change the prisoner wardrobe from all-orange jumpsuits to black and white stripes to keep inmates from looking “cool.”  Yea, well I’m willing to bet that its really more like black and white is the new “Green” for the Sheriff who most likely got a big kickback on the new uniform contract.


Family at DinnerUS Redefining the Definition of Family:  Sociologists say as we look around the dinner table, we find fewer children being raised by married parents as our nation is in the process of redefining our definition of “family.”  Perhaps, but in my opinion, the people who did the most to redefine our definition of family was the “Manson Family.”

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