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Saturday September 20 2014

Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer Goes Russian

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Sep. 19, 2014

Pabst Blue Ribbon BeerPabst Blue Ribbon Beer Goes Russian:  American icon Pabst Blue Ribbon has been acquired by a Russian company named Oasis Beverages which has brewing operations in Ukraine, Belarus, and Kazakhstan.  The Russians say that about the only change is that it will now be known as Putin Blue Ribbon beer!

 

Scottish Independence VoteScotland Votes Down Independence:  Scottish voters have voted down a proposal to sever their 300-year union with Great Britain.  Guess most Scots figured its ain’t gonna kilt them to stay with Great Britain.

 

ColoroxClorox Names New CEO:  Oakland based company Clorox announced it is naming Benno Dorer as its new CEO in an attempt to reinvigorate the company.  Critics of the company describe the appointment as nothing but another “whitewash.”  

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Sicilian Mobster Wins Literary Prize

Sep. 18, 2014

Mobster Wins Literary PrizeSicilian Mobster Wins Literary Prize:  A jailed Sicilian mobster named Giu­seppe Gras­son­el­li, serving a life sentence for at least a dozen murders, has sparked controversy after he was awarded that country’s top literary price for his autobiography.  His winning the prize is being described in literary circles as a long-shot – right between the eyes.  Even if it sells very well, Giu­seppe says he doesn’t expect to make a killing on the book.

 

FDAFDA Says Little Evidence to Support Use of Testosterone Drugs:  The Food and Drug Administration says there is little evidence that testosterone-boosting drugs taken by millions of American men are beneficial.  Ironically, a related study found that there is little evidence that anything the FDA does is beneficial.

 

MormonMormons Found to Be Still Baptizing Dead Jews:  The Church of Latter-day Saints has once-again had to apologize for posthumously baptizing dead Jews, despite more than two decades of negotiations and agreements to prevent such baptisms.  About the only thing I can conclude from this is that it appears as if some Mormons may have way too much time on their hands.

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Ohio Cops Remove Beer Can from Skunk’s Head

Sep. 17, 2014

Skunk Stuck Beer CanOhio Cops Remove Beer Can from Skunk’s Head:  Police have removed a Miller Lite beer can from an semi-intoxicated skunk’s head found waddling around near a fraternity at Miami of Ohio University.  Wow, that really stinks!  Another reason to never invite a skunk to a fraternity keg party.  They’ll just get drunk as a skunk.  In fact, the skunk was so loaded that when the black and white cruiser pulled up, the skunk thought it was one of his pals coming over to party.

 

Calming WaterStudy Finds Water Gives Humanity a Sense of Calm:  Since ancient times, humans have assigned healing and transformational properties to water and scientists say we still turn to water for a sense of calm and clarity.  Researchers say the one possible exception to the “calming water” theory would be the Fukushima area.

 

Gog Eats SocksVets Say Ailing Great Dane Ate 43.5 Socks:  Veterinarians at an Oregon animal hospital got quite a shock when they found and then removed 43-1/2 socks in the stomach of a 140-pound ailing Great Dane, in an emergency surgery that likely saved the pooch’s life.  Doctors told the dog’s baffled family that if the animal was from Boston instead of Oregon, its would be easier to understand why he’d be such a fanatic Sox fan.

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British Man May Have Fathered 600 Children

Sep. 16, 2014

Fathers 600British Man May Have Fathered 600 Children:  According to new research from DNA tests, a British man who founded a London fertility clinic back in the 1940’s with his wife may have actually secretly fathered as many as six hundred children.  Wow, if true, that could turn out to be one hell of a family reunion.  And to think that all these years, his wife thought he was looking at all those Playboy magazines for the articles.  His neighbors remember him as a physically unremarkable man except for having one, gigantic forearm.

 

Couple Smoking WeedPot-Smoking Couples Have Less Domestic Violence:  A new study has found a significantly lower incidence of domestic violence among married couples who smoke pot.  Yea, about the biggest danger with potheads is they argue over who ate all the snacks.

 

Labrador RetrieverTexas Dog Brings Human Skull to Yard of Its Owners:  Police say a Labrador Retriever named Carly surprised her owners by bringing a weathered human skull to the front yard of their home in Austin, Texas.  Just my luck.  Come home after a hard days work, only to find your dog has been recruited by ISIL while you were gone.

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Wyoming Town With One Resident Sold for $900,000

Sep. 15, 2014

Town SoldWyoming Town With One Resident Sold for $900,000:  A remote, unincorporated area along busy Interstate 80 in Wyoming that advertised itself as the smallest town in America with only one resident, has been sold at auction for $900,000.  When asked why he was selling, the town’s sole resident told reporters that he grew tired of dealing with all the bureaucracy over at city hall.

Wild HorsesOppose Plan to Castrate Horses in Eastern Nevada:  A coalition of wild-horse activists are suing the government to block its plan to castrate hundreds of wild stallions in eastern Nevada.  I don’t get the opposition.  If you have to castrate horses, eastern Nevada seems as good of a place as any.

Bad PotMan Calls 911 Over Bad Pot:  A southwestern Pennsylvania man called 911 to complain about how terrible the pot he bought was and when police tested the substance, they found it to be fake.  Authorities say the man may still be fined for willfully possessing a counterfeit controlled substance.  Hell, following that reasoning, the logical thing to do would be to pay the fine with counterfeit money.

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Mayweather Defeats Maidana Amid Charges of Biting

Sep. 14, 2014

MayweatherMayweather Defeats Maidana Amid Charges of Biting:  Floyd Mayweather dominated Marcos Maidana from the opening bell to win a unanimous 12-round decision and retain his welterweight and super welterweight titles, amid claims that Mayweather was bitten on the wrist by Maidana.  If this proves to be true, boxing officials say Mayweather will still be considered unbeaten, but not unbitten.

 

Greg NormanGreg Norman Nearly Slices-Off Left Hand With Chainsaw:  Australian golf legend Greg Norman calls himself a lucky man after he almost sliced his left hand off during a chainsaw accident while cutting back trees at his Florida home.  I’m not surprised – he always did have a wicked slice.

 

Body in TrunkWoman Finds Corpse of Her Neighbor in Her Trunk:  The Riverside County Sheriff’s Office reports that a woman who had just finished shopping at Walmart, popped-open the trunk of her Lexus to put her shopping bags inside, only to come face to face with the corpse of her neighbor.  Talk about having some junk in the trunk.  What’s really sad about this story is, had she known, she could have legally driven in the diamond lane on the freeway.  Police say the woman is very lucky she was driving a nice, new Lexus, which has enough trunk space to accommodate all her shopping bags as well as a dead body.

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