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Saturday March 25 2017

Alaska Airlines to Dissolve Virgin America by 2019

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Mar. 23, 2017

Alaska Airlines to Dissolve Virgin America by 2019:  Alaska Airlines announced that it will fully absorb the California-based carrier Virgin America into its Alaska Airlines brand and Virgin America will exist no more by 2019.  Probably a smart move when you consider that by the year 2019, there won’t be enough virgins left in America to keep the airline profitable anyway.

 

Major Shake-up Suggests Dinosaurs May Have UK Origin:  New data indicates that the first dinosaurs may have originated in the Northern Hemisphere, possibly in an area that is now Britain.  Perhaps, but one thing’s for sure, they certainly didn’t head over to Britain for all the great food.

 

Dog Seized For Being Part Wolf Allowed To Return Home:  A pet dog that made international headlines after being seized from his family and accused of being part wolf by Animal Control officers in Aurora, Colorado, is finally being allowed to return home after DNA testing determined he was just a regular dog.  So what if he was part wolf?  I mean, who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?  Meanwhile, the family said they’re just extremely grateful to have him back before the Trump Administration could have him deported.

 

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Trump Wanted Military Tactical Vehicles for Inaugural Parade

Mar. 22, 2017

Trump Wanted Military Tactical Vehicles for Inaugural Parade:  E-mails obtained via the Freedom of Information Act show President Trump’s White House transition staff wanted the Pentagon to display a show of military tactical vehicles for his inaugural parade.  Hell – forget about Putin, this guy wants to bring back Khrushchev and Brezhnev.

 

Baptist President Claims Christians Should Avoid Yoga:  Southern Baptist Seminary President Albert Mohler is calling on all Christians to avoid practices such as yoga and meditation, proclaiming that they are not compatible with Christianity.  Come to think of it, he may have a point.  I’ve taken quite a few yoga classes and can’t recall them ever mentioning the importance of overthrowing foreign governments, persecuting intellectuals or intimidating homosexuals.

 

Trump Lawyers Go After Teen Girl’s Website:  President Trump’s legal team has been busy this week trying to shut down a teen girl’s website where users try to scratch Trump’s face with tiny little kitten paws.  I suppose its fine – if you want to spend all your time fighting with a little girl, but if I were him, I think I’d save my lawyers for the impeachment proceedings.  But knowing Trump, he’s probably thinking something like “after I settle the score with this teenage girl, SNL, mean journalists and Rosie O’Donnell, I’ll get around to telling the Generals about that secret plan to defeat ISIS I’ve been talking about all this time.”

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Ivanka Trump Given West Wing Office and Access to Classified Info

Mar. 21, 2017

Ivanka Trump Given West Wing Office and Access to Classified Info:  According to sources, Ivanka Trump now has a West Wing office and will get a security clearance giving her access to classified information – cementing her role as a powerful White House influence – even though she’s technically not serving as a government employee.

 

Wow – with her husband already a senior presidential adviser, sounds like the Trumps have really hit pay dirt!  Of course, way back in the day, we’d be referring to all of them as a crime family – but then again, this is a Brave New World.  While its not formally written into law, I believe the tradition is that if she remains on the job long enough, she may eventually have to change her name to Ivanka Jong Un.  Is it just me or does it appear that Trump actually believes his family will inherit the United States when he dies?

 

Now the big question is, what role will she assume  – Secretary of Textiles, Clothing and Costume Jewelry?  Or perhaps she’ll become the President’s “Primary Care Giver.”  Meanwhile, it looks as if we’re finally at the point where about the only appointments left to be made are making Tiffany Trump Secretary of Blogging and Leisure Travel and of course Dennis Rodman Ambassador to North Korea.

 

Anyway, my suggestion is grab yourself a beer or a nice glass of wine, buckle up and get ready for the first season of the all new reality show “The First Family.”

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Kea Parrots Can Make Other Kea Parrots Laugh

Mar. 20, 2017

Kea Parrots Can Make Other Kea Parrots Laugh:  The highly intelligent Kea parrot has a specific call, that – like human laughter – puts other parrots that hear it in a good mood, making it the first known non-mammal to show contagious emotion.  In fact, the parrots have been found to be so good at getting laughs, several have already been booked in prominent Las Vegas nightclubs for the summer.

 

FBI Investigating Ties Between Trump Campaign and Russia:  FBI Director James Comey acknowledged before the House Intelligence Committee that his agency was investigating potential ties between President Trump’s campaign and Russian efforts to influence the election.  Gee, Director Comey’s testimony is gonna make it rather difficult for the Trump people to dismiss this as simply “fake news.”  The only thing I can think of is perhaps if they start chanting “Benghazi” again at the top of their lungs – that might help.

 

Study Finds Coffee Houses and ATMs Ideal Locations for Defibrillators:  Researchers say having defibrillators available at coffee shops and ATMs could play a major role in helping reduce deaths caused by out-of-hospital cardiac arrest.  No kidding!  You pay $6 for a cup of coffee at Starbucks – then go to the ATM and discover you’re now totally broke.  Sounds like time for a major heart attack to me.

 

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Woman Kills Husband After Argument Over Burnt Casserole

Mar. 19, 2017

Woman Kills Husband After Argument Over Burnt Casserole:  A Pennsylvania woman has been arrested after police say she shot her husband following an argument over her burning a casserole.  Police say after talking to neighbors, they kind of understand why she may have wanted to shoot her husband, but add that that still doesn’t let her off the hook for burning the casserole.

 

Bloomberg Reports Albertsons is in Merger Talks with Sprouts:  Bloomberg is reporting that supermarket chain Albertsons is in preliminary merger talks with the grocery chain Sprouts.  I suppose this means we can expect a sea of Albertsons stores “sprouting” up all over the place now.

 

Food Delivery Robots Seen in San Francisco:  Its being reported that experimental wheeled food delivery robots have been seen roaming the streets of San Francisco.  You can bet this is gonna be a great temptation for thieves.  I’ll bet right this moment gangs are drawing up plans for “Steal Meals on Wheels” programs.  Police warn anyone caught hijacking the deliveries will be charged with “Grand Theft – Robot.”

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Trump Appears to Refuse to Shake Merkel’s Hand

Mar. 18, 2017

Trump Appears to Refuse to Shake Merkel’s Hand:  The media is abuzz over a video which appears to show President Trump refusing to shake hands after his meeting with German Chancellor Angela Merkel.  Give the man a break – maybe he was just put-off by how big her hands are!

 

Wyoming Allows Hunters to Use Silencers:   Wyoming law now allows hunters to use silencers on their hunting weapons.  That’s just crazy when you consider you’ve got hard-working assassins, who actually need the silencers in their jobs, who are forbidden to use them.  Let’s get our priorities straight people!

 

Smokers Rebel Against Starbucks Smoking Ban:  A group of smokers opposed to the Starbucks ban on smoking within 25 feet of its stores, say they plan to take the coffee company to court.  Smokers point out that there are so many Starbucks cafes in the US, its nearly impossible to be further than 25 feet away from one.

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