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Tuesday October 06 2015

Ben Carson Says He’ll Meet With Mass Killing Families Next Time

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Oct. 06, 2015

Ben CarsonBen Carson Says He’ll Meet With Mass Killing Families Next Time:  In response to a question on Fox and Friends about whether he’d attend the memorial for victims of the Oregon mass shooting like President Obama, Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson said he wouldn’t because of scheduling conflicts, but would probably go to the next one.  And who can blame him for passing on this one, by now all the good seats are probably already taken.  Besides, everyone knows that “stuff happens,” so they’ll be other mass killing memorials to attend.  Carson adds that he’s already asked aides to clear his calendar for the next two weeks – just in case.


Renoir protestGroup Protests Showing of Renoir’s Art at Museum:  A group of protestors gathered outside the Museum Fine Arts in Boston, to protest French Impressionist artist Renoir’s paintings being displayed there, claiming Renoir was actually a terrible artist.  Gee, I always just assumed that French Impressionism was art for people who suffered from myopia.


NeutrinosNobel Prize in Physics for Discovery of Neutrino Oscillation:  The 2015 Nobel Prize in Physics was awarded to Takaaki Kajita of Japan and Arthur B. McDonald of Canada for their discovery of neutrino oscillation, which proves the subatomic particles have mass.  Neutrinos have mass?  Who could have guessed they were Catholic?

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Harvard’s Debate Team Loses to Prison Debate Team

Oct. 05, 2015

HarvardHarvard’s Debate Team Loses to Prison Debate Team:  In a surprising turn of events, a debate team comprised of prisoners from Eastern New York Correctional Facility beat Harvard’s debate team in a recent competition.  Yea, and if there was any real justice in the world, the Harvard students would all go to prison and the prisoners would all get scholarships to Harvard.


Jerry BrownCalifornia Right-to-Die Bill Signed Into Law:  California will become the fifth state to allow terminally ill patients to legally end their lives under a new law signed by Gov. Jerry Brown.  And while some find the bill quite controversial, many comedians are quick to point out that they’ve been dying on stage for years and its not that big of a deal.  Besides, all you really have to do is simply allow the big insurance companies to continue denying all our claims and the issue will automatically resolve itself anyway.


Satellite InternetFacebook to Beam Internet to Another Billion People:  Mark Zuckerberg says that Facebook has partnered with a French satellite company to provide free wireless access across sub-Saharan Africa, with the hope of connecting another billion people to the internet.  Wow, its comforting to think Facebook has finally figured out how to monetize sub-Saharan hunter-gatherers and let the rest of planet in on their relationship status!

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Departures from Alaska Highest in 25 Years

Oct. 04, 2015

AlaskaDepartures from Alaska Highest in 25 Years:  More residents left Alaska last year than they have in decades, with net migration out of the state at its highest point in in the past quarter-century.  Gee, I wonder if the weather or living in eternal darkness during winter could have anything to do with it?  Or, perhaps its all just an optical Aleutian.  On the other hand, there’s always the possibility that Bristol Palin will be able to spew-out enough babies to offset all the departures.


InternetAmericans Feel Better Informed Because of Internet:  A new Pew Research Center study found that the average American feels they are better informed on issues because of the internet.  I agree, at least as far as cats are concerned.


Utah Goat ManUtah Goat Man Has Wildlife Officials Concerned: A man spotted dressed in a goat suit who has been seen hanging out among a herd of wild goats in the mountains of northern Utah has wildlife officials worried he could be in danger as hunting season approaches.  No kidding. Word has it that even the goats are feeling a little nervous about this guy.  To makes matters worse, its been rumored that the man’s first name may be Billy.

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PayPal Plans New Ingestible Password in a Pill

Oct. 03, 2015

Password PillPayPal Plans New Ingestible Password in a Pill:  As part of PayPal’s new “body integration” campaign, the payment service is working on an ingestible pill that would preserve your password in your stomach.  So I guess from this point on, we’ll have to think of a password that’s easy to swallow instead of easy to remember.  And we’ll have doctors saying – take two of these and logon in the morning.  Security experts recommend for maximum protection, eat your passwords scrambled.


Precious GemTurn Your Deceased Pet Into a Precious Gem:  A new trend for pet lovers who’ve lost their friend is to turn their cremated remains into a man-made precious gem and wear it as a memorial.  I don’t know about turning a deceased pet into a precious gem, but I do know my cat has a tendency to leave me a few “precious gems” on the floor from time to time.


Future ArchitectsFuture Architects to Be Trained by Video Games:  Industry analysts predict much of the training future architects will receive will be via video games.  Yea, beginning with “Grand Theft, Construction Project!”

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Space Agencies Team Up Against Killer Asteroids

Oct. 02, 2015

AsteroidsSpace Agencies Team Up Against Killer Asteroids:  NASA and the European Space Agency are joining forces with other institutions to launch a program that will test their ability to divert asteroids from hitting Earth.  In other words, what we’re basically talking about is a game of billiards – spread out over the entire solar system.


Sea LionsTown Using Fake Inflatable To Scare Sea Lions From Harbor:  The Oregon community of Astoria is hoping they can solve their increasing sea lion problem by bringing in a fake, inflatable killer whale to scare the sea lions away.  Lying to sea lions?  All I can say is, that’s one whale of a story.


Towing Iceberg

Drought Revives Concept of Towing Huge Icebergs for Water:  As more severe drought restrictions come into place, the idea of towing huge icebergs across the ocean to California is once again being considered.  Not surprisingly, Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet say they strongly oppose the plan.  Not to be outdone, a spokesperson for actress Gwyneth Paltrow says she’s not only opposing towing icebergs, but also iceberg lettuce.


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Vaccine Could Save the Tasmanian Devil From Extinction

Oct. 01, 2015

Tasmanian DevilsVaccine Could Save the Tasmanian Devil From Extinction:  Since it was first discovered in 1996, a cancer-causing disease called DFTD has killed off as many as 90 percent of Tasmanian Devils, but scientists say they now have a new vaccine will prevent the devils from even catching DFTD.  Wow, that has to be “one hell” of a vaccine.  In response, outraged Anti-Vacers warn that 5 years from now, we’re going see Tasmanian Devils with autism.


New JerseyGov Christie Declared State of Emergency:  New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has declared a state of emergency for the state as Hurricane Joaquin strengthened into a Category 4 storm.  My question is, shouldn’t New Jersey more or less always be in a state of emergency?


Hawaii WomanWoman Facing Federal Charges After Flashing Boobs on Plane:  A drunk woman from Kona, Hawaii could be facing Federal charges after she refused to put out her e-cigarette and then flashed her boobs to everyone in the cabin during a flight from Las Vegas to Kona.  So if I’m understanding this correctly, this is case involving both fake cigarettes and fake boobs.  The Feds say won’t file any charges until after they take a look at the evidence.  On the other hand, some may argue that by flashing her boobs to everyone, she’s already kind of preformed “community service.”

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