Taking rumor and innuendo and passing it all off as journalism

The funniest Comedy Site on the Web (assuming you do the math correctly).

Rubbish In, Robish Out!

News and Analysis for the Heavily Medicated
(as well as those who need to be)

World Famous!

Updated Daily!

Thursday June 30 2016

Mountain Mirrors Allow Small Norway Town to See Winter Sunshine

  • Reminding citizens that Cleveland wasn't built in a day. It just looks that way.
  • Specializing in taking legitimate news stories and transforming them into complete and utter nonsense
  • This publication is made possible in part by generous contributions from the Women's Christian Temperance Union and the American Society of Professional Colon Hydrotherapists
  • Be sure to bookmark this page and come back just as frequently as local laws permit!
  • The newly built Rubbish In, Robish Out! world headquarters in Canton, Ohio. A local organization of "Concerned Citizens for Decency" argues that this facility appears to be little more than a factory for debauchery, misdeeds and general mayhem.
  • No Animal Testing: In response to the many inquiries from animal rights activists, we emphatically deny the allegations that the jokes found on any these pages have first been tested out on animals.
  • Crowds reacting as the latest issue of Rubbish In, Robish Out! rolls off the presses.
  • A portion of every laugh produced by this website is donated to charity.
  • The Babe at the office!
  • Talk about having a bad day!
  • Above is the lunch counter where the titans of the entertainment industry meet when they say "let's do lunch!"
  • Alltop, all the top stories
  • 081209newsman

Jun. 29, 2016

Mountain MirrorsMountain Mirrors Allow Small Norway Town to See Winter Sunshine:  Because its tucked in between steep mountains, the town of Rjukan, Norway is normally completely shrouded in shadow six months a year.  Now, thanks to three 183-square-foot mirrors placed on a nearby mountain, rays from the winter sun are being reflected for the first time on the city’s market square.  After the instrument was completed, designers admitted they had no idea where to put it, until someone suggested “why not stick it where the sun don’t shine?”


TexasPoll Finds Many Texans Going Hungry:  A new poll has found that as many as 20% of all Texans are really struggling to be able to afford food.  In an effort to relieve further suffering, Texas officials suggest it might be a good idea for hungry residents to avoid watching networks like “The Food Channel.”  


Universe OlderScience Finds Universe Older Than Previously Thought:  According to a new study, scientists miscalculated the universe’s age by 80 million years—meaning it’s actually 13.81 billion years old instead of the 13.4 billion previously thought.  OK, so it turns out the universe might be a tad bit older than we thought, but so what?  Age is just a number.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

No comments

Snowfall Covers a Quarter of Earth’s Surface

Jun. 28, 2016

SnowSnowfall Covers a Quarter of Earth’s Surface:  Scientists say that at any given time, snow covers approximately one quarter of the surface of the earth.  Yea, and the other three-fourths are covered with Starbucks cafes.


Home SchoolingTexas Court Rules Parents May Stop Schooling Children:  The all-Republican Texas Supreme Court has ruled 6-3 in favor of a Texas couple who have stopped teaching their homeschooled children because Jesus is coming back soon and their raptured children will not need an education.  Wow, first we had Brexit, now Texit.  Wonder what happens if it turns out you need a high school diploma to get into heaven?  Perhaps “Jesus raptured my homework” might work.  My question is, assuming courts are all about the facts, how did they prove to the court that Jesus is coming soon?  Perhaps these justices were homeschooled also.


Skinny GuyLadies Prefer Thin Men Over Macho Men:  A new study suggests that despite common belief, heterosexual women generally prefer a man who is on the thin side rather than someone on the macho side.  Guess all this macho stuff is “wearing thin” on the ladies.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

No comments

Sarah Palin Claims Brexit Vote Fights New World Order

Jun. 27, 2016

Palin HuntingSarah Palin Claims Brexit Vote Fights New World Order:  In a recent Facebook post, Sarah Palin joined Donald Trump in congratulating the United Kingdom for quitting the EU and their secret apocalyptic globalist agenda.  No surprise there, Palin would endorse quitting anything.  Palin went on to add that as far as she’s concerned, Brexit is probably the most important meal of the day.  Personally, I’ve always lived my life believing that if I ever do anything that gets praised by either Donald Trump or Sarah Palin, it’s a pretty safe bet I’ve made a horrible mistake.


Coffee Jelly Frappuccino

Starbucks Introduces Coffee Jelly Frappuccinos:  Starbucks Japan has just released a Coffee Jelly Frappuccino and they’re already setting the internet on fire.  I’m not so sure about a Coffee Jelly Frappuccino, but a peanut butter and coffee jelly sandwich sounds great for lunch.



Hacker Tries Selling 655,000 Patient Healthcare Records:  A hacker claims to be selling 655,000 alleged patient healthcare records on the dark web, containing information such as social security numbers, addresses, and insurance details.  Damn, now I suppose the whole world is gonna find out about my hemorrhoid transplants.Hacker

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

No comments

Barnes & Noble Set to Unveil Stores Offering Wine And Beer

Jun. 26, 2016

Barnes and Noble

Barnes & Noble Set to Unveil Stores Offering Wine And Beer:  Barnes & Noble announced that they will soon be offering beer and wine at select stores throughout the US in an effort to boost sales by keeping customers in their stores longer.


Smart thinking!  One thing’s for sure, as customers begin passing out, they’ll definitely be in the store longer.  Throughout the store, you’ll hear conversations like “I don’t always read, but when I do, I like to get really toasted” or “I’ll be with you shortly honey, I’m gonna try and read another chapter before last call.”


On a personal note, I find it comforting to think that someone’s finally taken the time to come up with a really quiet place for people to get drunk. And, for those battling alcohol issues, the self-help section is just steps away. Seems like a win-win for everyone. My question is, what will they call the place…Bars and Noble?  And, should this concept happen to not bring in all the revenue for which they had hoped, they could always add some slot machines and strippers.


Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

No comments

Tony Robbins Hot-Coal Walk Injures Dozens

Jun. 25, 2016

Hot Coals

Tony Robbins Hot-Coal Walk Injures Dozens:  Dallas Fire officials report that as many as 40 people have been injured during the “walking on hot coals” segment of a Tony Robbins motivational seminar costing up to $2995, where attendees are encouraged to “turn fear into power” by walking 15 feet across 1200-degree hot coals.


A Robbins spokesperson told reporters that safety has always been their primary concern and that paramedics are always close at hand.  While this may be so, on a personal level, I’ve always preferred seminars where medical personnel don’t have to be on standby.  But that’s a personal preference.


Sources familiar with Tony Robbins seminars say that once participants master the hot coal walk, they then become eligible to move on to the next level which involves crossing molten lava fields.  Participants who finish that event without injury are awarded an official Donald Trump “Make America Great Again” cap – reportedly signed by Trump himself.


Dallas police say that so far, the worst injuries appear to have been sustained by the elderly man using the walker and the triple amputee.  While many attendees say they enjoyed the seminar, others felt like Robbins just raked them over the coals.  If you ask me, I think the point where they really got burned was when they handed over the $$2995.  That said, in his defense, at least Tony didn’t take them sky diving or have them eat light bulbs.  In related news, Santa Claus has reportedly told his elves that Robbins can expect a lump of coal in his stocking this Christmas.


As for me, I really feel sorry for the injured.  One would hope that after they have their burns treated, they get a mental evaluation as well.  Personally, I never quite understood why no one ever says to him, “sure Tony, how ‘bout you go first?”  Anyway, that reminds me, I’d better pick up some charcoal for the grill on my way back home from work today.


Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather


Good Samaritan Billed After Rescuing Family In Car Crash

Jun. 24, 2016

Good Samaritan

Good Samaritan Billed After Rescuing Family In Car Crash:  A good samaritan in California, who stopped at the scene of an accident and rescued a family who were trapped in their wrecked car, noticed a small scrape on his own hand and asked paramedics for a bottle of water.  Not long after that, the good samaritan received a bill for $143 as a “First Responder Fee.”


Of course my first thoughts were – are you serious?  That much for a small bottle of water?  Talk about “California Scheme’n!”  Then I remembered, California’s in the middle of a serious water crisis.  Who knew that included bottled water?  What the hell, are those paramedics working on commission?


I mean, for $143, couldn’t they at least have offered him one of those cheap bottles of wine Trader Joe’s always seems to have on sale?  Good grief, at those prices, I’d be afraid to ask a paramedic what time it is.


Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

No comments
  • News Archives

  • Caution: Use this site only as directed!
  • Blue Shirt B&W Cropped
  • Talk may be cheap, but I still can't afford it! Johnny Robish
  • For our international friends, this site is also available in Russian, Italian, French, Thousand Island and Blu Cheese.
  • We at Rubbish In, Robish Out have been taking great pains to avoid ending sentences in prepositions. Certainly that must be worth something.
  • Be sure to follow me on Twitter @johnnyrobish
  • Disclaimer: Any similarity between what you read on these pages and reality is most likely purely coincidental.
  • Today proudly celebrating 15 consecutive days without anyone sustaining a personal injury as a result of this website!
  • Important note for those on restricted diets: Rubbish, In, Robish Out! was designed to be a low-fat website, therefore, any visits here will NOT negatively impact cholesterol levels.
  • Be sure to check out the thousands of original jokes in our archives pages!
  • Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, Warren G. Harding
  • Satirical Humor Blogs - BlogCatalog Blog Directory
  • Workers at Rubbish In, Robish Out demanding more beer. No one can be expected to work at a place like this sober. The Supreme Court has ruled against cruel and unusual punishment for heaven's sake.
  • The Webcomic List