Taking rumor and innuendo and passing it all off as journalism

The funniest Comedy Site on the Web (assuming you do the math correctly).

Rubbish In, Robish Out!

News and Analysis for the Heavily Medicated
(as well as those who need to be)

World Famous!

Updated Daily!

Monday May 29 2017

Lack Of Sleep May Cause Your Brain To Eat Itself

  • Specializing in taking legitimate news stories and transforming them into complete and utter nonsense
  • A portion of every laugh produced by this website is donated to charity.
  • This publication is made possible in part by generous contributions from the Women's Christian Temperance Union and the American Society of Professional Colon Hydrotherapists
  • Did you know that most reputable doctors recommend Rubbish In, Robish Out! to cure what Roger Ailes you?
  • Be sure to bookmark this page and come back just as frequently as local laws permit!
  • The newly built Rubbish In, Robish Out! world headquarters in Canton, Ohio. A local organization of "Concerned Citizens for Decency" argues that this facility appears to be little more than a factory for debauchery, misdeeds and general mayhem.
  • Crowds reacting as the latest issue of Rubbish In, Robish Out! rolls off the presses.
  • Be sure to check out the thousands of original jokes in our archives pages!
  • The Babe at the office!
  • Talk about having a bad day!
  • Above is the lunch counter where the titans of the entertainment industry meet when they say "let's do lunch!"
  • One of the fleet of fancy automobiles used to transport the many dedicated people who put Rubbish In, Robish Out! together around town in a style they've become accustomed.
  • Alltop, all the top stories
  • With a globe that size, this fellow seems destined to go places. Bully for him!
  • Armed thugs trying their best to prevent crack Rubbish In, Robish Out! reporters from getting their story. We risk it all for you fellow readers.
  • 081209newsman
  • One of our hard working reporters scooping yet another news story.

May. 28, 2017

Lack Of Sleep May Cause Your Brain To Eat Itself:  Scientists say not getting enough sleep can cause the brain to “eat up” its connections, while also increasing risk of Alzheimer’s disease and other neurological disorders.  Great, like I needed something else to worry about at 3 AM.  On the other hand, this may finally explain what’s up with Trump when he’s blasting out all those angry, incoherent tweets in the middle of the night.

 

Ohio Had More Than 4,000 Overdose Deaths in 2016:  A newspaper survey of Ohio county coroners found the Buckeye State had 4,149 unintentional fatal drug overdoses in 2016 – making it one of the hardest hit by a heroin and opioid epidemic.  While not condoning the opioid use, a follow-up study by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) found that Ohio and Florida are perhaps the only two places in the country where its completely justifiable for people to make the decision to just stay drunk.

 

New Diabetes Test Eliminates Painful Pricks:  Scientists at the University of Michigan say they have developed a new diabetes test that can utilize tears to measure glucose levels and therefore eliminate the need for those painful pricks to the skin.  Perhaps, but I suspect it’ll take a lot more than some newfangled diabetes test to eliminate all the “painful pricks” I have to deal with in my life.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

No comments

White House May Appoint Legal Team To Monitor Trump Tweets

May. 27, 2017

White House May Appoint Legal Team To Monitor Trump Tweets:  According to The Wall Street Journal, the White House is considering appointing a legal team to police President Trump’s infamous social media posts as numerous investigations are being launched into White House officials.  Yea, and while they’re at it, they might wanna think about adding a few psychiatrists to that team also.

 

Russians Grow Synthetic Voiceboxes for Human Patients:  Doctors in Russia say they have just transplanted the first synthetic voiceboxes into two human patients.  Yea, and if the surgery doesn’t work, good luck trying say anything to complain about it.

 


Two South Carolina Men Forced Alligator to Drink Beer:
  Authorities say two South Carolina men face harassment charges after pictures surfaced on social media showing them pouring beer down the throat of an alligator.  Local Humane Society officials report that the gator is doing fine and is now in a 12-step program designed especially for crocodilians and, with the help of the program, will take his 90-day sobriety chip in about a week.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

No comments

Melania Trump Wears $51,500 Jacket to Meet G7 Spouses

May. 26, 2017

Melania Trump Wears $51,500 Jacket to Meet G7 Spouses:  Melania Trump raised a few eyebrows when she wore a bright, floral $51,500 Dolce & Gabbana jacket to meet with her fellow G7 spouses in Sicily this week, a sum which is more than most Americans make in an entire year.

 

Oh come on, what’s the big deal?  First of all, this is the kind of jacket one wears when you’re someone who takes a crap on a gold-plated toilet.  I mean, didn’t Trump warn supporters during the campaign that “you’re gonna win so much, you’re gonna get tired of winning?”  Well I suspect that after looking at this $51,500 jacket and then thinking about all the massive cuts Mr Trump’s got planned for safety-net programs like Medicaid and Meals on Wheels, its safe to conclude that he was right and many of us are in fact getting pretty damn tired of “all this winning.”

 

But politics aside, I would have never dreamed anyone actually paid $51,500 for that jacket.  I was sure she must have borrowed it from either Lady Gaga or Miley Cyrus.  When I first saw it, I thought I was having one of those hippie 1960’s LSD flashbacks – I mean, if that isn’t about “flower power,” what is?  In fact, it almost looks like a whole flower garden just threw up all over her.

 

Then I thought “my God,” that looks like the duvet cover off my grandmother’s bed.  Either that or a bunch of 1950’s women’s swimming caps all sewn together.  And let us not forget Ringling Bros. just shut down – perhaps she wore it to honor them?  There’s so many possible explanations.  And just then I saw that picture of the Trumps finally holding hands, and it hit me – that $51,500 coat is her reward for agreeing to hold those stubby little fingers again.  Who says romance is dead?

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

No comments

Trump Pushes His Way to the Front of NATO Leaders

May. 25, 2017

Trump Pushes His Way to the Front of NATO Leaders:  People around the world are expressing shock at how US President Donald Trump appears to shove Montenegro Prime Minister Dusko Marković out of the way in order to get to the front of the line during a tour of the NATO Headquarters.  OK, but in his defense, he may have thought it was the lunch line.

 

Cosmo Survey Probes the Popularity of Porn:  A new survey by Cosmopolitan Magazine found that over 30% of men say they watch porn every day and a whopping 71% say they watch porn at least once a month.  Good grief, if you want to watch gorgeous women using really nasty language, why not just turn on Fox News when they’re discussing Obamacare?

 

New Study Finds Chocolate Reduces Risk of AFib:  A new study has found that eating a small amount of chocolate every week or so may decrease the risk of developing a serious type of irregular heart rhythm.  Which is ironic when you consider that a chocoholic’s heart actually “skips a beat” when they see the stuff.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

No comments

Housing Secretary Ben Carson Says Poverty is a State of Mind

May. 24, 2017

Housing Secretary Ben Carson Says Poverty is a State of Mind:  In a recent SiriusXM interview, Trump Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson told reporter and close friend Armstrong Williams that “poverty – to a large extent, is a state of mind.”

 

All I can say is, if poverty is just a state of mind, then Carson’s mind is wallowing in some of the deepest poverty ever known.  And to think I just assumed poverty was the state of your bank account.  Silly me!  Put another way, poverty is the state one’s mind enters when one has completely empty pockets.  You can take that to the bank.

 

But its comments like this that make me think the only reason Dr Carson gets to head up the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) is because of the influence of his older brother – Johnny Carson.  Now, if only this whacked-out Trump administration would somehow turn out to be “just a state of mind.”

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

No comments

Melania Denies Trump Hand Holding Second Straight Day

May. 23, 2017

Melania Denies Trump Hand Holding Second Straight Day:  First Lady Melania Trump has once again denied her husband’s attempt to hold her hand for a second day in a row on their overseas tour.  Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt.  It may just be his hand is so small, she didn’t even notice it.

 

Report Says Teen Births Reach Historic Low:  According to a new report from the Centers for Disease Control, teen births reached a historic low, half of what they were at their peak in 1991.  I don’t think it has anything to do with increased teen sexual awareness, I think video games just got better.


Study Finds Tanning Can Be Addictive: 
A new study determined that tanning may be just as addictive as booze and drugs for some people.  Not surprisingly, the research was carried out at “Brown University.”

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

No comments