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Tuesday March 31 2015

Group Calls Walmart Pig Supplier Called Inhumane

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Mar. 30, 2015

Pig FarmGroup Calls Walmart Pig Supplier Called Inhumane:  Legal action is underway following an undercover investigation by the Humane Society alleging inhumane treatment at a pig breeding facility linked to the nation’s largest grocer – Walmart.  Investigators say they’ve found evidence that in some instances, the pigs are being treated almost as badly as Walmart employees.


Windsor CastleQueen’s Windsor Castle Staff Threaten Industrial Action:  The trade union representing the staff at Queen Elizabeth II’s Windsor Castle are threatening to take industrial action over what they consider poor pay.  And that’s why I’m constantly reminding my friends about how important it is to pay your castle staff well.


PlumbersPlumbers in LA School District Get Pink Slips:  Nearly 500 plumbers are getting their pink slips from Los Angeles Unified School District, a cost-cutting move that some feel will make it more difficult to maintain the school district’s aging facilities.  So, if you thought LA schools were crappy before…

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British Airways Flight Forced to Return Due to Smelly Toilet

Mar. 29, 2015

British Airways

British Airways Flight Forced to Return Due to Smelly Toilet:  A British Airways plane en route to Dubai was forced to return to London’s Heathrow Airport when the smell emanating from the toilet became simply unbearable for passengers.  I should begin by saying that if you’re looking for poop jokes – urine luck because this story sounds to me like a real poo-dunnit.  I’m surprised they diverted the plane back to London and not to Phuket.  All kidding aside, if things really smelled that bad, why not just open up a few windows?


Papua New GuineaEarthquake Off Papua New Guinea Brings Tsunami Warning:  A tsunami warning was issued after a magnitude 7.7 earthquake a struck off Papua New Guinea.  Making matters worse, confused rescue workers were heard shouting “Papua who?  Papua, Papua, Papua who-ooh?”


CheatingUnusual Amount of Cheating Suspected at Stanford University:  An unusually high number of students at Stanford University are suspected of cheating during the most recent term, putting faculty members and administrators of the prestigious institution on alert.  Students cheating in college?  Why that’s absolutely unheard of.  In their defense, the students say they only cheated on the questions the didn’t know the answers to.  And, because its Stanford, students caught cheating will be expected to ask their parents to donate funds for construction of a new building on campus.

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Riders Becoming Too Heavy for Washington Ferries

Mar. 28, 2015

Washington FerriesRiders Becoming Too Heavy for Washington Ferries:  The Washington state ferry service says it has been forced to reduce the number of people it will carry on its boats because people are so much heavier these days.  Passengers counter that they’d prefer being thought of as big-boned instead of “heavy.”


Religious ObjectionsIndiana Officials Try to Stem Religious Objections Fallout:  The heat over Indiana’s new religious objections law spread across social media and to the White House as many local officials and business groups around the state tried to jump in and stem the fallout.  Let’s put it this way, I’ve been living in America all my life and can honestly say that I have never, ever, heard someone say that its always been their desire to visit Indiana.  Now we know why.


Sylvia AllenArizona Senator Feels Mandatory Church Leads Moral Rebirth:  Arizona Tea Party Republican senator Sylvia Allen, bewildered by opposition to a concealed weapons into public buildings bill, opined that the state should require mandatory church attendance to battle the country’s moral decay.  While some may scoff at the proposal, I can see where this could be quite a popular idea – if it were the 1600’s.  But of course she’s right, everyone knows religion prevents moral decline.  This is why the Middle East is such a paradise and Scandinavia is a constant war zone.  Personally, if we are going to make anything mandatory, I’d prefer to see mandatory IQ tests – to prevent people with single digit IQ’s from ever being able to hold public office.

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Report Finds Cat Litter and Salts Caused Nuclear-Dump Mishap

Mar. 27, 2015

Nuclear-Dump MishapReport Finds Cat Litter and Salts Caused Nuclear-Dump Mishap:  Authorities say an incompatible combination of nitrate salts and organic cat litter – which was used to absorb moisture in the waste – is to blame for a mishap that caused the release of a small amount of radioactive material, forcing the closure of the nation’s only underground nuclear waste dump.  Cat Litter?  Now I’m no nuclear scientist, but it seems to me that if you’re going to take a nuclear dump, you’re probably going to need something stronger than cat-litter to bury it.


Mercedes Pick-UpMercedes to Build World’s First Premium Pick-Up:  The German luxury brand says that it plans to enter the market by 2017 and that its first pick-up will take styling cues from its SUV range and comfort cues from its existing executive sedans.  Guess there’s nothing quite like hauling all your crap to the city dump in style.


Woman Eating Stacks of DonutsStudy Finds People Who Eat Sweets Have Sweet Disposition:  New findings recently published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, show that people who like sweets are also more likely to be agreeable, friendly and compassionate than people who prefer other tastes such as spicy or bitter foods.  Or perhaps all the others are just bitter because someone ate up all the sweets.

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TV Sportscaster Get 4 Years in Charity Fraud Scheme

Mar. 26, 2015

Don TollefsonTV Sportscaster Get 4 Years in Charity Fraud Scheme:  Former Pennsylvania sportscaster Don Tollefson has been sentenced to serve up to four years in state prison for defrauding some 200 people out of $342,000 in a charity scheme, even though he swears he’s changed and has now “found God.”  Word has it his cellmates are hopeful he’ll be a “good sport” in prison.


Tom PettyStolen Tom Petty Guitars Recovered:  Police say a private security guard is under arrest after pawning one of five precious guitars belonging to Tom Petty and his band off a Culver Studios’ sound stage at a Hollywood pawn shop.  Good thing they have the guitars back, losing something that personal could have been a real “heartbreaker.”


Jenna JamesonJenna Jameson Pleads Not Guilty to DUI:  Adult film star Jenna Jameson has pleaded not guilty to drunk driving charges stemming from a fender-bender in Westminster, California.  If found guilty, she is expected to ask to preform “community service.”

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Heinz and Kraft Foods Announce Merger

Mar. 25, 2015


Heinz and Kraft Foods Announce Merger:  H.J. Heinz and Kraft Foods Group, two of the most iconic names in the nation’s kitchens, said they would merge through an estimated $45 billion deal to form one of the world’s biggest food empires.  Word has it that Kraft execs felt as if the company was falling be-Heinz and needed to ketchup.


Buttocks InjectionsFeds Warn Public About Procedures Like Buttocks Injections:  Federal regulators caution that the recent death of a Dallas woman who had received injections at a salon to expand the size of her buttocks shows the dangers of having those type of procedures.  Makes you wonder what the hell’s wrong with people these days?  Whatever happened to expanding your ass the old-fashioned way by stuffing your face with Burger King Triple Whoppers and Banana-Strawberry shakes?


Edwin Jackson

Google Maps Takes Cubs Pitcher to Wrong Ballpark:  Chicago Cubs pitcher Edwin Jackson said he used the Google Maps app to assist him to find the ballpark where he was supposed to pitch against the Oakland Athletics but it directed him to the wrong park – and when he finally arrived late – he ended up giving up eight runs and nine hits in only 1 2/3 innings in a 14-2 loss.  Too bad there wasn’t an app that could have helped help him find the plate.


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