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Friday March 06 2015

Man Drives to Attorney’s Office With Dead Body in Truck

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Mar. 05, 2015

Florida ManMan Drives to Attorney’s Office With Dead Body in Truck:  Florida detectives are investigating the case of a man who said he shot his neighbor in self-defense during a scuffle involving a gun and then threw the dead body in the bed of his pickup truck and drove right over to his lawyer’s office.  Wow, seems some people will do almost anything to use the HOV lanes.  On a positive note, at least he drove to his lawyer and not a taxidermist.

 

Kim KardashianKim Kardashian’s Bizarre New Look:  Kim Kardashian raised a few eyebrows at Balmain’s show during the Paris Fashion Week when she showed up with rather bizarre looking platinum locks.  Geez, its beginning to look as if the only things that will survive at the end of the world will be the roaches and the Kardashians.

 

Asian Immigrants

Asians Immigrants Outnumber Hispanics:  According to a new Pew Research Center survey, Asians have replaced Hispanics as the largest immigrant group coming into the U.S.  Not surprisingly, the smallest immigrant group coming here is believed to be the pygmies.

 

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World’s Oldest Person Doesn’t Think 117 Years is That Long

Mar. 04, 2015

World's Oldest PersonWorld’s Oldest Person Doesn’t Think 117 Years is That Long:  Misao Okawa, the world’s oldest person at 117, surprised everyone at her 117th birthday celebration by stating that living 117 years doesn’t seem like such a long time at all.  I can see where 117 wouldn’t seem like such a long time, especially when you can’t remember the first 116.

 

CoffeeStudy Finds Coffee May Reduce Risk of MS:  A new study found that people who drink at least four cups of coffee per day were one-third less likely to develop multiple sclerosis than those who drink no coffee.  And in addition, drinking that much coffee can also dramatically reduce your risk of falling asleep at night.

 

Hen HouseAuthorities Seek Those Responsible in Deaths of 300,000 Chickens:  Authorities say revenge may be the motive for the killings in South Carolina of more than 300,000 commercial chickens worth about $1.7 million over the past two weeks.  Police say they suspect fowl play, but it sounds to me like the work of the Tyson-Sanders gang.  One thing’s for sure, whoever did this ought to fry.  One can only hope that these poor chickens can now rest in peace – but not in pieces.

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Target to Cut Thousands of Jobs

Mar. 03, 2015

TargetTarget to Cut Thousands of Jobs:  U.S. retailer Target Corp announced it plans to cut several thousand jobs as part of a restructuring that will cut $2 billion in costs over two years.  Smart move because now, about the only place those people who got laid-off will be able to afford to shop – will beTarget.

 

Nail PolishThief Steals 400 Bottles of Nail Polish:  A theft in the Williamsburg area of Brooklyn has stolen over 400 bottles of nail polish after breaking into a nail salon overnight.  While there were no eye witnesses to the theft, police say the polish was most likely taken by a “nail polish remover.”

 

Penis StudyStudy Finds Average Erect Penis is 5.16 Inches Long:  British researchers say that the average erect penis is 5.16 inches long and has a circumference of 4.6 inches, based on data from some 15,000 men across Asia, Africa, Europe, and the U.S.  And I say anyone who feels they have that figure beaten – ought to give themselves a hand.

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Judge Cuts Sentences in Amish Beard-Cutting Attacks

Mar. 02, 2015

Sam MulletJudge Cuts Sentences in Amish Beard-Cutting Attacks:  In a controversial move, a judge has reduced the prison sentences for members of a breakaway Amish group who were charged with “hate-crimes” for chopping-off the hair and beards of fellow members of their faith.  In response, members of ZZ Top say they plan to do everything possible to raise greater awareness of these senseless atrocities.

 

Smallest Life FormScientists Capture Earth’s Tiniest Life Forms:  Scientists at the University of California in Berkeley have captured the first detailed microscopic images of so-called “ultra-small bacteria” that are believed to represent the lowest size limit possible for life on Earth.  Wow, Disney was right – its a small world after all.  While some praise the discovery, others say its just something else for people with OCD to worry about.

 

Teacher DeadTeacher Found Hanged in Southern California Classroom:  In what was being investigated as an apparent suicide, a photography instructor was found hanged to death inside a Southern California high school classroom when students arrived on Monday.  School officials say she frequently hung around the school on weekends, but never like this.

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Fire Breaks Out at Disney’s Small World Ride

Mar. 01, 2015

Disney FireFire Breaks Out at Disney’s Small World Ride:  Park officials say a small fire broke out at Disneyland’s “It’s a Small World” attraction, though no one was injured and the ride was not damaged.  While there were no injuries, the fire threatens to play over and over again in the minds of people who witnessed it.

 

Texas LawmakerTexas Republican on Fifth Marriage Protests Gay Marriage:  A Roman Catholic Republican Texas lawmaker who is currently on his fifth marriage, has submitted a hand-written complaint against a Texas judge over a recent ruling that allowed two women who have been together for over 30 years to get married.  Five marriages and a Roman Catholic?  Who hell does he think he is, Henry VIII?  Sounds like someone is spending a bit too much time on Christian Mingle.

 

Crack BabiesFox News Doctor Implies Crack Babies Come from Pot Smoking:  Fox News Medical A-Team member Dr. David Samadi asserted over the weekend that “crack babies” were caused by women “smoking this whole marijuana business.”  So smoking pot causes crack babies?  Sounds like a perfect example of a “crack-pot” theory.

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Italian Scientist Claims Head Transplants Only Two Years Away

Feb. 28, 2015

Head TransplantsItalian Scientist Claims Head Transplants Only Two Years Away:  An Italian scientist is claiming that he’s a mere two years away from being able to do real-life human head transplants.  Yea, and as long as groups like ISIL are still in business, they’ll always be an abundant supply of heads available.  Just hand them a bottle of Head & Shoulders shampoo and send them on their way.  That said, you’d almost have to be out of their head to volunteer for something like this.  Bottom line, next time someone tells you they think you have a good head on your shoulders, be concerned.

 

Old Navy AdKim Kardashian Settles Lawsuit Against Old Navy:  Kim Kardashian has reportedly settled a lawsuit against Old Navy, claiming the clothing retailer violated her publicity rights by using a lookalike in one of their ads.  Old Navy denies any wrongdoing, pointing out that while the model did look like somewhat like Kim, she wasn’t nearly as stupid.

 

Mars MissionScientists Say Keeping Astronauts Healthy on Mars Mission Not Easy:  Scientists say that getting to Mars in the Dutch-run colonizing mission will be the easy art, but keeping settlers alive and healthy will be the real challenge.  No kidding!  Any dentist can tell you that after a while, eating all that Mars candy will rot your teeth out.

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