Anthropologists believe Hawaii was originally settled by people who came from around Tahiti about 600 years ago. I can see it now. People sitting around in Tahiti thinking “this place sucks, I gotta get outta here.” So they paddle six thousand miles in primitive canoes braving high seas, lack of water and not enough to eat and what do they find? Same thing, beautiful beaches, majestic mountains,breath-taking sunsets. Just what were they hoping to find in the first place? Cleveland?

I think Hawaii’s pet import rules are a bit too strict. A friend of mine was put under quarantine for having pet peeves.

I was talking to a surfer who was pissed off. He said he went surfing and that the waves were coming in sets, but he only took one wave, but was charged for the entire set.

I cut myself pretty badly while shaving and the cut became infected and puffy which distorted my face. Shortly thereafter, I was asked to move to Molokai.

Why did the chicken cross the road? He already had eaten everything in front of Bank of Hawaii and wanted to check out the situation over at Kukui Grove.

I never lock my doors here in Kauai. Not because its unnecessary, but I’m just too lazy.

I live not too far from what is considered the wettest spot on earth, Mt Wai’ale’ale. So I literally sleeping in the wettest spot on earth. Makes me want to call up my old girlfriend who always complained that guys never sleep in the wet spot.

Scientists are trying to determine why whales migrate from Hawaii to Alaska. Very simple. For tax reasons. Alaska has no state income taxes.

A body was recently tossed out of a moving car onto Kuhio Highway and tying up traffic. Come on people! What is this saying about us as a people? As a society? Don't you know bodies are supposed to be disposed of in Waimea Canyon. Please don’t tie up traffic

I was severely reprimanded by a surfer for using the term “gnarly” improperly in a sentence. I said I was feeling rather gnarly.