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Friday June 23 2017

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Amazon to Buy Whole Foods Market

Jun. 16, 2017

Amazon to Buy Whole Foods Market:  Amazon, the world’s most powerful online retailer, has taken a giant stride into traditional retailing, spending $13.7 billion to take over organic food chain Whole Foods Market.  Rumor has it that the Whole Foods purchase was simply a mistake that occurred when Amazon CEO Jeff Bozos told his Amazon Echo “Alexa, I need to buy something at Whole Foods” and Alexa responds “yes, buying Whole Foods!”  Its truly comforting to think we’ve advanced this far as a civilization, that the hipsters may one day soon be able to get their kale delivered to them by drone.

 

People Injecting Themselves with Blood From Teens:  In hot pursuit of the fountain of youth, the latest trend for those trying to look younger is getting blood plasma transfusions from teenage donors at the cost of $8,000 a pop.  My question is, just where the hell are they going to get this done anyway – Transylvania?

 

Bear Attacks Elderly Bedridden Woman in New Mexico:  New Mexico State wildlife officials say an 82-year-old bedridden woman suffered scratches on her face and head when a 400-pound black bear broke into her northern New Mexico home and attacked her.  Officials say the attack doesn’t appear to be sexually motivated.

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