Taking rumor and innuendo and passing it all off as journalism
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News and Analysis for the Heavily Medicated
(as well as those who need to be)
Monday May 29 2017
featuring the one and only
A young Pikey, head cocked and already questioning authority!
So – (as seen below) – here I am lying on my bed, taking a well deserved nap after returning from a hard workout at the gym, when out of no where, this gigantic 23-pound blue-eyed monster pounces on my on my chest and demands to discuss the topic of “kitty treats.” Well I tell you, I informed him in no uncertain terms that in “polite society,” one doesn’t wake others who are in deep slumber to discuss such an abstract, esoteric subject like “kitty treats. Why the audacity of these beasts! Is it any wonder Western Civilization is crumbling before our very eyes?
The above is a photograph is of Pikey while being arrested for “Grand Theft Ragdoll.” Arresting officers stated he exhibited a “furrier than thou” demeanor.
The driver’s license Pikey presented to the arresting officer.
Pikey, the world’s foremost handshaking pussycat!
I’m getting a lot of mail with people who believe that a cat who shakes hands is no big deal, pointing out that you can even train politicians to do that.
Pikey lists his hobbies as sleeping and chewing on plastic.
Had to do some shopping, so I told Pikey as I was leaving the house to try and get some sleep while I’m gone.
I’m booking a flight to Los Angeles and flying Pikey with me. When I went to book the cat, the first thing they asked me was “does he have a pug nose?” Now I know we’re flying into “La La Land,” but are you telling me my cat may have to get a nose job before they’ll let him into LA?
I posted a new picture of my cat Pikey here on my website and almost everyone thought he looked really cute except for Mel Gibson who said he looked like a Vegas whore.
Pikey caught in the act. Johnny holding up “Exhibit A” for the court to examine. The judge labeled Pikey “23 pounds of pure discontent and rebellion against the rule of law” (please note: the term “pounds” is not meant as a reference to British currency in this instance).
Can’t say that friends didn’t caution me that when you name a cat Pikey, you’re just asking for trouble.
Came home one night and caught big 23-pound Pikey watching Fox News. I thought, what a shock, my cat’s a Republican? Then when I thought about it, it all made sense. With the Democrats always complaining about how much they’re against the fat cats, how else is he gonna vote?
I don’t really have anything very fancy in my apartment, so I usually let my cat climb up on the furniture if he wants. A neighbor noticed this and reported it to Animal Control who cited me for contributing to the delinquency of a mongrel.
I was living on the island in Kauai, but Pikey insisted I move to Maui because he speaks Meowaui.
I occasionally get mail from people asking me to remove the Pikey Page from the website because they hate cats. The truth be known, I don’t like cats either, I just raise them for their meat.
Pikey is a card-carrying member of the National Association of Pussycats, also known as “NAP.”
Is life really supposed to be this hard?
Pikey reading contraband material – Quasi (and Steve Fisher’s) new Book “The World is Still Your Litter Box.” If you’ve ever wondered exactly what that pussycat of yours is actually thinking/planning/plotting, this is the book that will finally provide you with some answers!
Anyone see something move?
Its all in a day’s work folks!
Pikey, liv’n the life while in Maui
Just what part of meow don’t you understand?
by Johnny Robish
© Copyright 2016